A Day In The Life (Weekend Edition)

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As promised, here’s a day in the life post for a day that doesn’t involve going to a white collar office job populated by obese, snarky co-workers. This weekend assumes I don’t go for one of my hunting trips.

Typical Saturday

0930: Wake up and wash up.

0945: Morning calisthenics routine.

1015: Cold shower.

1030: Breakfast. Bigger than a typical weekday. Coffee with whey protein, eggs, bacon, sausage, and peanut butter sandwiches.

1100: Morning walk with Max. We will head to the local dog park, and throw a Frisbee around. I will attempt to hit on some girls as well. When it gets sweaty, I simply remove my shirt. This, plus how absolutely adorable Max is? Instant chick crack. Thanks, Max, you’re the best wingman a guy could ask for.

1300: Head to Whole Foods for lunch and grocery shopping.

1500: Reach home and shower.

1530: Lay back on my couch and bring out Beth, my trusty bong. Proceed to take a hit so large my mind is rocketed through the stratosphere like I’m at NASA in Houston. Fire up a movie and just relax.

1830: My mind is clear again. Drink some pre-workout and head to the gym. Saturdays are more for ‘pump’ exercises. Yes, I’m a narcissist. Come at me, bro!

2000: Shower and dress up. Pimp style. Swag.

2030: Meet up with my buddies, or if I’m lucky that day, one of the girls from the dog park or Whole Foods. Either way, a fun alcohol-fueled time is promised.

2330: Head home, either by myself, or with a female friend. Preferably the latter.

0000: Spark up my second bowl of the day and/or engage in sexy times.

Which leads me into….

Typical Sunday

0930: Wake up and wash up.

0945: Morning calisthenics routine. I may skip this if I have a ‘guest’ stay the night.

1015: Cold shower (for more than one reason this time).

1030: Breakfast. Might be for one or for two. Chicks dig the home cooked breakfast.

1100: Send the girl off and head to the dog park for another walk with Max. Shamelessly hit on girls.

1300: Lunch time. I try to treat myself on this one. No holds-barred, baby!

1430: Head home for meal prep. In my previous day in the life post, I mentioned that I pack my own lunches to work. Well, I cook all of my weekday lunches in one batch. Efficiency, yo!

1600: Meal prep done for the week. Time to chillax. Fire up Beth and blast off to Cloud 9.

1900: Dinner time. My Sunday ritual is a nice meal of steak and eggs for dinner. For one it only takes less than 15 minutes of prep time total, and second, it’s 100% endorsed by Vince Gironda.

2000: Second bowl of the day. Man, aren’t my Sundays so productive?

2300: Wind down and get ready for bed. Turn off all electronics.

2330: Bed.

Well, as Bugs Bunny says, “That’s all, folks!”. Stay tuned for more posts, coming right at you whenever I feel like it.

Zombie Apocalypse Plan

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Been seeing such posts all over social media recently: what would you do in the event of a zombie apocalypse? Could you survive?

Well, I unequivocally believe that I can. In fact, I’m so confident that I will be outlining my survival plan below.

Step 1: Grab My Bugout Bag

Every man needs to have a bugout bag. For those not in the know, it’s basically a bag that you can quickly grab and leave with, that contains all the essentials you need to survive an apocalyptic, doomsday scenario. My personal bugout bag contains:

  • 1 AR-15 with 35 clips of ammo.
  • 1 Glock Gen4 9mm with 20 clips of ammo.
  • 1 Beretta AL391-Xtrema2 with 200 shells.
  • 1 Cold Steel Gladius Machete.
  • 1 Glock Survival Knife 81.
  • 10 zip ties.
  • First-aid kit.
  • $10,000 cash.
  • Sleeping Bag.
  • Infidel Body Armor Bulletproof vest (Level III)
  • Night Vision Goggles
  • Binoculars

All of this fits into one (admittedly large) duffel bag that I keep within easy reach in my bedroom. In the event of zombies pounding on my bedroom door, by the time they break through the door, the only thing they’re going to be eating is hot lead.

Step 2: Grab my vehicle and head for shelter.

Grab Max and get into my Mercedes Benz G-Wagen (I call her Sheila), which I always keep equipped with emergency food supplies (100 MREs, not the most delicious, but it does its job),  an extra 20 gallons of fuel, and head for my secret location. Basically my secret location is my personal hunting cabin, located in REDACTED.

In said secret location, where of course I have stockpiled additional food supplies, firearms, and ammunition, I intend to live out the apocalypse. I have an underground shelter, reinforced, (thanks Doomsday Preppers!) and enough supplies to last up to 2 years.

And my friends wonder why I’m such a miser.

Dealing with obstacles along the way

No doubt that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, the execution of my simple two step plan, while simple on paper, will become undoubtedly more complicated by the advent of, you know, brain-hungry zombies as well as desperate and panicked mobs.

Now the main question is, what kind of brain eaters are we dealing with here? Old school George Romero shuffling zombies, or new school sprinting Dawn of the Dead remake zombies here?

If it’s the former, I foresee the obstacles as something easier than a box jump for reps Crossfit workout. Despite having low faith in my fellow man, I believe that Romero style shambling zombies will easily be dealt with even by my fellow citizens. I don’t expect my time in the underground shelter to last anything more than 6 months at the most.

If it’s the latter, ok, now we have some videogame fun on our hands! Assuming a short time period of infection to reanimation, this would be the absolute worst-case scenario here. For this scenario, I believe my survival odds greatly depend on Sheila. If Sheila is ok, I’m ok. If something happens to Sheila, my next step would be to get additional transportation and head to the secret location.

The personal worst case scenario would be a siege style scenario, similar to the Dawn of the Dead remake, in which they are holed up in a mall. If I do find myself in that situation, well, that’s a bit too complicated to discuss here. Pray to Jesus I guess.

I would go on, but my high wore off and I’m bored of writing this post. Gonna go catch the latest Ash vs. Evil Dead episode now.

ash evil dead

The Joys Of Hunting

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cecil dead

Ah, Cecil the Lion, you had no chance against the true apex predator of all times. Man, the most dangerous game.

What kind of world do we live in where an honest to God winner of the capitalist system can’t pay an obscene amount of money to bankrupt Third World countries to go hunt and kill a freakin’ lion? And then he has to go back and have a bunch of hippies leave stuffed toys outside his dental office?

Come on guys! He’s just trying to make the world better one smile (and one less lion) at a time!

I wonder how much he had to pay anyway? Considering that a loaf of bread might cost Zimbabwe 10B on the black market, he must have paid trillions of Zimbabwe dollars for that kill.

Ok, so according to Wikipedia, Mr. Walter Palmer paid $50,000 for the right to hunt and kill poor Cecil. The Guardian also reports that the Zimbabwe Central Bank is moving to US dollars beginning June 2015, and they will exchange 35 quadrillion Zimbabwe dollars (that’s 35,000,000,000,000,000 with 15 zeros) for 1 US Dollar. So Mr. Palmer would have paid 1,750,000,000,000,000,000,000 in Zimbabwe dollars. I don’t even know the term for that many zeros; quintillion? Jabillion? Gazillion? I have no idea.

Anyway this brings me back to the short novel The Most Dangerous Game (published as The Hounds of Zaroff) all the way back in 1924. In it a big game hunter gets shipwrecked on an island that is owned by a wealthy Cossack who has taken to hunting men for sport. He equips them with food, a hunting knife and a three hour headstart. In the novel, the protagonist fakes his own death by jumping off a cliff, circles back to the Cossack’s headquarters, and surprises him in his own bedroom. He turns down the surprise kill and elects to fight him to the death instead. Basically this novel is like a vial of testosterone distilled into the form of a novel.

Doubtless most of you have seen similar plots throughout numerous movies and television series; I just thought that I would educate my readers on the origin of this plot.


Interestingly, serial killer Robert Hansen, active in the 70s and early 80s in Anchorage Alaska used to abduct young women and release them in the Knik River Valley. He would then begin his hunt armed with a knife and a Rutger Mini-14 rifle. Of course this was just a lame ass pussy version of the novel; those ladies never really had a chance of fighting back.  Apparently, the Zodiac Killer also referenced The Most Dangerous Game several times in his taunting letters to the papers.

Of course, there is one film that I believe was inspired by the novel, and that is also one of the greatest films ever made: Predator. Starring the greatest film star of our generation Arnold Schwarzenegger, as Colonel Dutch, finally stands alone as the only survivor of his Special Forces team hunted down by the extra-terrestrial entity; he even defeats it using homemade traps which is similar to the tactic used by the protagonist in the novel. Of course, the antagonist in the novel didn’t trigger a self-destruct sequence upon his defeat. That would have been pretty rad though.

Anyway, I got to go rewatch Predator now. Over and out.


A Day In The Life

Published / by AJackson / Leave a Comment

In this post I will break down a typical day in the life of a psychedelic loving redneck. I will do one for a typical weekday and another for a typical weekend.

Typical Weekday

0630: Wake up and wash up.

0645: Morning calisthenics routine. Typically consists of 100 push-ups, 50 pull-ups, 50 body weight squats, and 50 jump squats.

0715: Have a cold shower (proven to boost testosterone).

0730: Breakfast. Typically consists of coffee mixed in with my whey protein shake, together with 3 scrambled eggs with bacon. P.S. I check out my favorite protein powder review site The Protein Investor, before I buy any whey protein online.

0800: Pop in my car and head to work (although I am a redneck, I am solidly white-collar, necessitating physical exercise to combat the deleterious effects of an office environment on the body’s posture and physical health).

0830: Arrive in the office.

1230: Much needed lunch break after four hours of pretending to like my co-workers. I bring my own lunch to work, usually being a simple combination of meat (chicken breast, or deer meat which I shot and killed myself), vegetables (hippie kale, broccoli, asparagus), and brown rice. My obese co-workers always have a snarky comment about my food as they waddle off to stuff their pie holes with handfuls of processed carbs (of course, they will endlessly bitch about their weight, even as they eat yet another doughnut).

1330: Back to work. Unlike my carb gorging co-workers, I feel productive and energetic from eating healthy.

1730: Clocking out. Leave work and head straight to the gym. Drink my pre-workout in the car, which combined with the heavy traffic, drives me into a rage that is perfect for fueling my workout.

1800: Depending on the day, it would either be a free weights focused routine (MWF) or a high intensity interval cardio workout (TTH), using my favorite machine, the C2 Rower.

1915: Shower followed by a post-workout protein shake.

1945: Head to my local Chipotle for a massive burrito bowl. The best post-workout meal ever, period.

2030: Arrive home, feed my beloved dog, Max.

2045: Nighttime exercise for Max. Time to take a tour of my neighborhood.

2130: Get back home and take yet another shower. Wonder aloud if all these showers are bad for my skin.

2145: Sit back on the couch, blaze up a fat one, and blast some old school hip hop (no Lynrd Skynrd for this redneck!). Watch a movie,  hang out watching Youtube videos, listen to podcasts (I recommend the Joe Rogan Experience as well as Dan Carlin’s Hardcore History), or write on this blog. Blow second hand smoke into Max’s face so he can get in on the fun too.

2300: Wind down and get ready for bed. Turn off all electronics.

2330: Bed.

Well there you have it folks, a typical day in the life of yours truly. Seems pretty boring if you’re not much of a health and fitness nut like me, but oh well, can’t please everyone I guess. For those curious about healthy eating and fitness, I recommend Reddit as a great source! Check out the following subreddits: /r/Fitness, /r/EatCheapAndHealthy/, and /r/SlowCooking.

Catch you fools next time, the next post will be about the whole Cecil the Lion fiasco.

Survivorman Series Review and Ideas

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First post!


Can you believe that the first season started in 2005? That’s over 10 years ago! Les Stroud aka Survivorman, has been kicking ass on TV for a decade, while kicking ass at life for God knows how long!

Ok, let me give a brief overview of the show. Basically in every episode, Les Stroud’s crew drops him off at some remote god-forsaken location for a one week vacation.

While having minimal gear and lugging around 50lbs in camera equipment, Les has to survive in the wilderness; by any and all means necessary. I suppose it’s a good thing that he didn’t bring a production crew along, he’s so badass he might well have eaten them for food. Now that would be a series!

From there on we see standard survival stuff, such as bug eating, animal hunting and just general survival fun. Compared to Man vs. Wild, which seems to over focus on the whole ‘Bear Grylls eats more disgusting crap, news at 11!’, Survivorman focuses more on building shelter and other important stuff like that, which is pretty cool.

Other Ideas Les Stroud Should Try

Did you know that Les Stroud wants to bring his show to Vegas? He intends to call it ‘Survivorman’s Mother Earth’ which be a stage show of music, visuals, and storytelling (he has been playing guitar and harmonica for decades). According to the article, his band will play a song, followed by taking questions from the audience, and then telling some Survivorman stories.

Basically it sounds like going camping with your cool grandpa who plays guitar and harmonica at the campfire while the grandkids ask questions and he regales them with epic tales of hardship and perseverance. Ahhhhh, nostalgia!

Well, to be honest, that Vegas show doesn’t sound very appealing to me. If I’m going to Vegas I want to see strippers, showgirls, magicians, and acrobats. Not some old dude telling me stories! Unless of course he hunts and kills a live animal on stage, eats it, cooks it, and uses its carcass as shelter. Now THAT’S a show-stopper!

Mr Stroud or Mr Survivorman, if you’re reading this sir, I have an idea for you. The next time you head out to the forest, I suggest you take a few strips of LSD or some psilocybin mushrooms. Actually you should do that for every episode, who knows where it might take you.

Wow, this post is kinda all over the place isn’t it. I suppose I shouldn’t have eaten all those edibles before writing this post. Also I guess it’s not much of a review, and not many ideas either.  So what is this post then? Perhaps just another stream of consciousness rant that is happening as I watch downloaded episodes of Survivorman on my laptop.

I haven’t done mushrooms or gone hunting in weeks and I’m starting to go a little stir-crazy. Ok, time to get off the computer I guess. But shit, it’s minus 20 outside and I don’t really feel like heading out. I guess I’ll have to take a trip instead….. into my own mind.

Until next time.